erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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