You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
