The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
