Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
