Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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