They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I just gift wrapped bread.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Randomize
