That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
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