I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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