That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
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