I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
