Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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