You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
