so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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