My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
