I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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