We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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