So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Mom said you looked used
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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