Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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