Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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