so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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