How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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