Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
