i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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