Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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