I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
