So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
