Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
