i permit you to call me
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
