i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
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