The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
This toilet bowl is my home.
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