She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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