i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Randomize
