I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
