it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Can you bring me the toilet please
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
