Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
