her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
