At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
