What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
