My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I love having hate sex.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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