Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
