If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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