I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
