saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
