you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
