i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
