I wish I could punch you in the face.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
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