I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Randomize
