I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
