This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
