She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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