I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
