Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
