i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
