My nipple is on Facebook.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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