I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
