Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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