I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
