??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
