i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
