Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
