turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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