This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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