We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
