Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
