Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Randomize
