i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
