I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Randomize
