if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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