i think i have herpe
just one?
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize