I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Randomize
