shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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