That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
